It’s been almost 3 months since I last wrote about confusion, distraction and irritation. And I’m still as confused as ever. Boy, time really does fly!
I am aware about certain things that have changed in my psychology due to this lack of focus. Though I have a vague idea about the root cause of this confusion, I really cannot pin down the exact cause for if I knew what the exact reason was, I don’t think I would be so confused. There’s a slight possibility that I’m confused because I keep telling myself that I’m confused and that it’s a small part of a generally negative approach towards life. I won’t dwell on the present state, instead I shall now begin dwelling on how to solve this mental mess of shit.
No single focal point
Everyone has a focal point in their lives. A single thing towards which they think about most during the day. For some it’s their business and how they’re gonna make more money. For some, it’s their academics. For some it’s work, play, relationships, fun, seriousness, good actions, evil actions, perverted actions, no-actions, whatever. I think it’s high time I decide what my focal point is going to be.
I had realized this quite a while back which is what prompted me to take up a job. But this job, even though it pays quite decent for a fresher, is damn freaking boring. I know for sure that this is something which I don’t want to do. Looking for a job is another boring task and a total waste of time and I don’t want to do that. So my next course of action is to stick here for a while and do something on this side which, hopefully, will evolve into my life’s purpose.
This is another big problem with me with which I think I have over burdened myself. I have begun taking my life very seriously, always telling myself that I have been born, educated and raised to do something big and noble. But what exactly I am supposed to do, I have no clue. So that’s also lending to the overall confusion. I think I should drop that notion as well and take life like a joke. It’s just a play and I’m merely a character playing the role of a confused young man. I should fill my thoughts with thoughts of focus and clarity.
I don’t enjoy anything that much. I often ask myself what I’m passionate about and nothing pops up into my mind. If I knew I had some passion, I would instantly dive deep into it.
Another reason I think I’m confused is because of technology and the internet which is another reason I’m hesitating from making a full time career associated with it. There are just so many choices and things to do over the net that you end up doing it all and which eventually ends up making you terribly confused.